Single at 30

So this year will go down in the Malaysian history as the one in which two prominent figures got married – Raja Nazrin and Pak Lah. Raja Nazrin being the cool, cute, smart (PhD from Harvard, not degree beli punya) yet oh-so-down-to-earth-humble price that he is would be remembered fondly by many for his polite refusal of the state government’s offer to allocate funds for the royal wedding. Instead he insisted on the money being spent on development projects to meet the needs of the rakyat. He even went on to ask that donations be given to charity in lieu of tributes and advertisement spaces in the media. That’s one real “Raja berhati Rakyat” if you ask me…

Pak Lah, who just got married again last Saturday, while he did mentioned something about not expecting people to celebrate his wedding when he goes visiting, had not expressly forbid others from hosting fiesta to celebrate his wedding. Personally I wish he has learned from Raja Nazrin – who had a really “sederhana tetapi meriah” wedding, with students and orphans forming part of the royal wedding guests, all paid by himself. But… never mind… Anyway, I wish both of them many years of blissful marriage, filled with blessings, mercy and happiness.

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I especially like the fact that Raja Nazrin got married at the age of 50 to Zara Salim who turned 34 this year. I am glad that he had chosen a mature girl in her 30s rather than someone in her blushing 20s. It said a lot and could boost the confidence of so many singles in their 30s. Now single girls in their 30s could actually look at the kepohchee who ask her the cepu emas question of “bila lagi?” in the eyes and say “Well, I’m waiting for my Raja Nazrin…”

Time and again I’ve heard of so many people labeling single girls in their 30s as too “memilih”. And if they are not married/engaged/in a serious relationship when they are past thirty, some would even be so cruel as to call them “desperate”. Which for the most part would be untrue. I have many single friends in their 30s, and I would say that they are pretty content and secure in their singledom. Sure sometimes they remain single by chance rather than by choice – but for most part, they don’t delve in it too deeply.

After all, there is a lot more to life than just being in a relationship. But it’s not that easy finding the right guy. And you can never call someone too ‘memilih’ when it comes down to choosing a partner. It’s only right to be careful in choosing, without being wrongly labeled as “too choosy”. Ladies in their 30s are not looking for just-for-fun guy to date, they are looking for someone who has the potential of being life partner. Never underestimate the X factor in looking for someone right – it goes well beyond the ‘standard’ 4 C’s (car, condo, cash and credit). Sometimes they don’t even mind being with someone who doesn’t possess the 4C’s – rather they go for a guy’s drive, determination and yes, personality. Until they find the right one, often they just go on to enjoy other things that life has to offer.

Like a friend once confessed, she would rather be single than in a relationship with the wrong guy. If it doesn’t feel right, what’s the point of being in a relationship? They have seen friends marrying their long-term sweetheart yet divorced after less than a year. They have seen seemingly successful career women in disastrous marriages. While trying not to be jaded about men and relationships, they are also thankful at times that they don’t have to deal with a lot of issues faced by couples.

Being single has its challenges, but being engaged/married/in a relationship, does not mean people no longer have issues to deal with. At least, the option is still wide open for the single ones. Yes, it could be lonely at times, and their lives might not be moving in the same way their engaged/married/couple friends are going, but not being in a relationship does not mean that there is something lacking in them or their lives. They are as cute, attractive, nice, sweet, talented as any of those who had been married or engaged – even more so sometimes. It’s just that they haven’t found that someone they feel worth settling down with. And that has a lot to do with ‘rezeki’ – and sometimes, a dose of luck.

I think thirtysomething (and older) single guys should seriously consider marrying a girl in her thirties. Most girls at this point in their lives know what they are looking for, know what are expected from them once they settle down and appreciate marriage more than those who got it easy for them. After all, they had been learning from their friends’ failed marriages/relationships. A woman in her thirties usually has learned to strike the balance between needing a man and being independent. She usually has her own money, successful in her career, could afford going on overseas holidays by herself, has a hobby or a pet she cares deeply about and often is doing something to better herself. It’s just that - at this point of time their biological clock is ticking furiously.

But that doesn’t necessarily make them desperate – because the golden rule of rather-be-single-than-with-the-wrong-person still holds. That's why we don't see them running to settle down with simply any Ali, Ah Chong or Muthu that comes along. They have their pride. They have their expectations. They have the X factor to consider. In fact, they have a lot going on for them, sometimes more so than people in relationship have.

Often they make better friends because they are more available – physically and emotionally. That’s why one could count on single friends for girls-only-outings. Often they are more committed and make better sister/cousin/aunt/daughter/granddaughter etc. And often they too could make better wife material than their younger counterparts. But then again, life is not all about getting married and having babies je, kan?